Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?

It's just never dull around my family. I just got off the phone with my mother, and she informs me that the house was broken into and the sole thing that was stolen was the DVD player I got them for Christmas. Then she tells me about thirty seconds after they discover this, they hear a cracking sound in the bathroom followed by a rush of water. The toilet had inexplicably fallen apart, you see.

From the "You have got to be fscking kidding me" department

Environmentally friendly ICBM's.