Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?

[docwebster]

It's just never dull around my family. I just got off the phone with my mother, and she informs me that the house was broken into and the sole thing that was stolen was the DVD player I got them for Christmas. Then she tells me about thirty seconds after they discover this, they hear a cracking sound in the bathroom followed by a rush of water. The toilet had inexplicably fallen apart, you see.

Comments

[forgotten-tear.livejournal.com]

add me.
sorry about the DVD ;(

[docwebster.livejournal.com]

Added, you sexeh wench.

[unixronin.livejournal.com]

[Greenslade] Dear listener, we take you now back to the Webster household in uptown Kensington, where the reboubtable and courageous Inspector Ned Seagoon of Scotland Yard is investigating both the theft of a DVD player, and a mystery of a falling-apart toilet....


[Seagoon] The cads! They stole the DVD player to conceal their theft of the little tiny slice of porcelain that holds the toilet together! We'll get right on this. Doubtless they fled into the sewers. Constable Bluebottle!

[Bluebottle] Yes, my capting?

[Seagoon] Boldly pursue the dastardly criminals down that pipe immediately!

[Bluebottle] At once, my capting!

[FX: squeezing sounds]

[Bluebottle (muffled)] It's a very tight pipe, my capting. And it's all mucky in here, and it smells bad too. I do not like this daring boldly-pursuing mission at all.

[Seagoon] Hang in there, lad! The honor of Scotland Yard is riding upon your twisted shoulders and too-short trousers!

[Bluebottle (distantly)] I have found a little notule, my capting! It says ... wait a minute, I will read it with my Boy Scout flashlight. It says, "Sorry about the DVD pl..."

[long pause]

[Bluebottle] My boy scout flashlight wented out. My scoutmaster always told me I should change the batteries now and then.

[Seagoon] Here, lad .... I'll drop my cigarette lighter down the pipe to you.

[FX: long series of rattling and clanking noises]

[Bluebottle] Ow!

[Seagoon] Have you got it, lad?

[Bluebottle] Yes, I'll just light it and -

[Seagoon] Wait a minute, lad! Don't light it yet! I should check on some other evidence a moment.

[FX: retreating footsteps]

[Seagoon (distantly)] Alright, lad! Whenever you're ready!

[Bluebottle (faintly)] Yes, my capting. It doesn't half smell bad down here. I'll light it up, and...

[FX: cascade of echoing, rumbling explosions and falling rubble]

[Willyum] 'Ere, guv'nor, this is Kensington, it's a nice neighbor'ood. You can't go blowin' up 'ouses around 'ere.

[Seagoon] That wasn't me, Sergeant! That was my young Constable Bluebottle. And that's Inspector Seagoon, to you. We're investigating a theft.

[Sgt. Willyum] What, 'e's Inspector Seagoon? I thought you just said 'e was Constable Bloonbuttons.

[Seagoon] No, I'm Inspector Seagoon. Constable Bluebottle is Constable Bluebottle.

[Sgt. Willyum] That's good to know. It'd be bleedin' confusin' otherwise, guv'nor.

[Seagoon] Inspector Seagoon!

[Sgt. Willyum] Where?

[Seagoon] Right here!

[Sgt. Willyum] Oh. It's you. Well, you tell your Constable Bluebottle 'e can't go blowin' up 'ouses around 'ere neither! Where is 'e?

[Seagoon] Hackney, by now, I should think.

[Sgt. Willyum] Oh, that's alright then. 'E can blow up whatever 'e wants in 'Ackney. But if you're investigamatin' a theft 'ere in Kensington, what's 'e doin' in 'Ackney?

[Seagoon] Chasing criminals through the sewers.

[Sgt. Willyum] Think 'e'll catch'em?

[Seagoon] He should, unless they duck.

[docwebster.livejournal.com]

*snerk* You realize I must build on this.

[unixronin.livejournal.com]

There was a reason I left it open. :)

(Well, several, in fact. including that I needed to go and fix supper.)

[insanegypsy.livejournal.com]

Yikes!

[meglimir.livejournal.com]

a clear case of muggle baiting