And now, Albrecht Durer. (as it's quarter after three and I'm just sliiightly punchy)

Announcer: Albecht Durer, 1471-1530, the Nuremberg painter who captivated Europe with his sharp eye, his mastery of line and texture, his car hire service. .

(Cut to a man behind a desk, played by John Cleese.)

Man behind desk: We apologize for the inaccuracies that have crept into this portrait of Albrecht Durer. Durer NEVER operated a car hire service. Thank you. (Cut back to a drawing.)

Announcer: Durer drew his inspiration from his birthplace, Nuremberg. Portraits. Landscapes. The detail of nature. Social themes. Religious themes. But always present his fascination with the grotesque. To find out more about Durer the man as opposed to Durer the insect. . . (cut back to the man at desk.)

Man behind desk: Watch it! (Cut to more drawings.)

Announcer: to find out what went on in the mind of this great artist, we spoke to a person in Sydney (Cut to an Australian played by Michael Palin.)

Australian: I know as much about Durer as I know about a kangaroo's rectum. Well, a kangaroo's bum is a pretty tight little number, compared to other marsupials' bums. I personally prefer arse [BEEP] Bum. [BEEP] Arse BEEP] Arse [BEEP] Arse [BEEP] Bum. [BEEP]Arse [BEEP] Arse [BEEP] Bum [BEEP] Bum [BEEP] Bum [BEEP] (He slugs down some Fosters.) Arse [BEEP] Bum [BEEP] Bum. [BEEP] (We again see the man behind the desk.)

Man behind Desk: We apologize for the inapposite style of their appraisal of Durer. We'll start again with an appreciation of his life and works, sung by Anita Eckberg.