Undignified ways to die

By Paul Gilmartin

Skin diving with gas tanks you stole from a dentist.
Renting a basement apartment in Venus.

Wearing clown shoes while walking through a mine field at night.
Getting a life size tattoo of someone your height.

Mistaking a python for your favorite tie.
Hang gliding at night on the Fourth of July.

Having a bowling ball dropped on your head.
Mooning some cannibals who haven't been fed.

Teasing some Scots for wearing their kilt.
Approaching a chopper while walking on stilts.

Swimming with sharks in a suit made of meat.
Flashing yourself to a hippo in heat.

Slapping the head of a bald drunken sailor.
And telling your date's burley dad "Five bucks says I nail'er".

Another far right whackjob spouts forth

(I know, I know - far right and whackjob in the same sentence is redundant, but this fool is really something)

"Just imagine if a white guy is performing oral sex on a statue of Martin Luther King with an erection. Do you need to see it to know it's ugly?" and "Hollywood is controlled by secular Jews who hate Christianity in general and Catholicism in particular. It's not a secret, okay? And I'm not afraid to say it. … Hollywood likes anal sex."

- William Donohue

This, ladies and gentlemen, is the head of the Catholic League, William Donohue (and before any jackass out there starts one of those tiresome "all Catholics are scum" type rants because of what certain priests got up to and how it was covered up, spare both my time and yours. Not all Catholics are like that, and if you genuinely think they are, please do the world a favor and never breed). The majority of Catholics I've known in my life are good, wonderful people but this raging lunatic is an ingrown hair on the backside of humanity.