Doc Refrains for 22nd September, 2004!
Sep. 23rd, 2004 09:34 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
docwebsterThe sun may shine, and the rain may rain, but whatever the case it's time for Doc Refrains!
As if I needed any more reason to like The Daily Show, Bill O'Reilly sneers at folks like me who watch the show.
O'REILLY: But it is. It's true. I mean, you've got stoned slackers watching your dopey show every night, OK, and they can vote.
STEWART: Yeah.
O'REILLY: You can't stop them.
STEWART: Yeah, I just don't know how motivated they would be, these stoned slackers.
O'REILLY: Yeah, it just depends if they have to go out that day.
STEWART: What am I, a Cheech and Chong movie? Stoned slackers?
O'REILLY: Come on, you do the research, you know the research on your program.
STEWART: No, we don't.
O'REILLY: Eighty-seven percent are intoxicated when they watch it. You didn't see that?
(Ed. note: Where the hell does he get this crap?)
STEWART: No, I didn't realize that.
O'REILLY: Yeah, we have that there.
Believe me, Bill, if you were here right now I'm punch your teeth so far down your throat you'd have to untie your shoes to floss.
But likely the biggest news in the past week has to be the state of masturbatory frenzy the right wing population has been reduced to over the supposedly phony documents detailing President Bush's dubious military service. But, as always, Stephen Colbert of Bill O'Reilly's favorite television show had some acidic commentary on the whole situation.
(Yes, the following is a transcript. I wanted folks to get every last ounce of this masterpiece.)
Stewart: You have to think this is a huge blow for CBS News to have been this mislead. Do you think this apology is sufficient?
Colbert: Well, first off John, let's not jump the gun here. Remember, this is CBS News. Given their track record of late, how do we know they aren't getting this whole apology story wrong as well?
Stewart: They're.. they're the ones apologizing. Are.. are you saying they're lying about being sorry?
Colbert: No, I'm saying that they were duped.
Stewart: Dan Rather went on the air, himself, and personally apologized.
Colbert: (snorts) Yeah. He's a credible source.
Stewart: Well, Stephen, what do you think's going to happen now at CBS News?
Colbert: Well, John, there's got to be some accountability. Dan Rather is the head, the commander in chief if you will, of his organization. He's someone in a position of power who made a harmful decision based on questionable evidence. Then, to make things worse, he stubbornly refused to admit his mistake, choosing instead to stay the course and essentially occupy the story for too long. This man has got to go! (Ed. note: the audience was utterly collapsing by this point. You know, the stoned slackers. Yeah.)
Stewart: Um.. we're talking about Dan Rather?
Colnert: Yes, John, Dan Rather. CBS is in chaos, unsafe, riven by internal rivalries. If you ask me, respected, reputable outsiders need to be brought in to help the rebuilding effort.
Stewart: At.. CBS News.
Colbert: Yeah, at CBS News! What possible other unrelated situation could my words be equally applicable to? Now, people need to be held accountable. The Comamnder In Chief, the Vice President, the Secretary Of Defense, the National Security Advisor, everyone (pregnant pause) at CBS News needs to go! I can tell you, John, somewhere Walter Cronkite is rolling over in his grave.
Stewart: Walter Cronkite is still alive.
Colbert: Not according to my sources.. at CBS News.
Absolutely beautiful.
On Monday morning, John Kerry gave this speech at NYU. Go. Read.
Then there's this anonymous post on First Draft that gives a pep talk that's sorely needed.
"And Kerry gave David Letterman a HUGE ratings boost the other night. Remember: people are coming out for this man, by the tens of thousands. They are standing for hours to hear him speak about this country. They are standing in the rain and in the blazing hot sun without water and they are cheering in the dark.
And on Nov. 3 when everyone is asking how it happened, how the polls were so, so wrong, we'll pull out the photographs of the rallies that stretch for blocks, the crowds that went on forever, and we'll know.
Forty-one days, kids. Have faith that your beliefs are good and are shared by many people. Have faith that you are not alone in thinking we need leadership in this country, we need courage and gravitas and hope and grace. Have faith that the world you believe in, the world in which we take care of one another, is very, very real. Have faith. We're so close. We're almost there.
A."
Then there's this gleeful little development from the folks at ABC News: it seems Bush got caught, on film, bald faced lying.. and they actually called him on it!
(Transcript follows)
Peter Jennings: We were struck, today, by a very pointed attack by President Bush on John Kerry. First of all, this is what Mr. Bush said:
Bush: We agree that the world is better off with Saddam Hussein sitting in a prison cell, and that stands in stark contrast to the statement my opponent made yesterday when he said that, uh, that the world was better off with Saddam in power. I strongly disagree.
Jennings: And this is what Mr. Kerry actually said.
Kerry: Saddam Hussein was a brutal dictator, who deserves his own special place in hell. But that was not, in and of itself, a reason to go to war. The satisfaction that we take in his downfall does not hide this fact - we have traded a dictator for a chaos that has left America less secure.
Pump it up, folks, we're almost there.
As if I needed any more reason to like The Daily Show, Bill O'Reilly sneers at folks like me who watch the show.
O'REILLY: But it is. It's true. I mean, you've got stoned slackers watching your dopey show every night, OK, and they can vote.
STEWART: Yeah.
O'REILLY: You can't stop them.
STEWART: Yeah, I just don't know how motivated they would be, these stoned slackers.
O'REILLY: Yeah, it just depends if they have to go out that day.
STEWART: What am I, a Cheech and Chong movie? Stoned slackers?
O'REILLY: Come on, you do the research, you know the research on your program.
STEWART: No, we don't.
O'REILLY: Eighty-seven percent are intoxicated when they watch it. You didn't see that?
(Ed. note: Where the hell does he get this crap?)
STEWART: No, I didn't realize that.
O'REILLY: Yeah, we have that there.
Believe me, Bill, if you were here right now I'm punch your teeth so far down your throat you'd have to untie your shoes to floss.
But likely the biggest news in the past week has to be the state of masturbatory frenzy the right wing population has been reduced to over the supposedly phony documents detailing President Bush's dubious military service. But, as always, Stephen Colbert of Bill O'Reilly's favorite television show had some acidic commentary on the whole situation.
(Yes, the following is a transcript. I wanted folks to get every last ounce of this masterpiece.)
Stewart: You have to think this is a huge blow for CBS News to have been this mislead. Do you think this apology is sufficient?
Colbert: Well, first off John, let's not jump the gun here. Remember, this is CBS News. Given their track record of late, how do we know they aren't getting this whole apology story wrong as well?
Stewart: They're.. they're the ones apologizing. Are.. are you saying they're lying about being sorry?
Colbert: No, I'm saying that they were duped.
Stewart: Dan Rather went on the air, himself, and personally apologized.
Colbert: (snorts) Yeah. He's a credible source.
Stewart: Well, Stephen, what do you think's going to happen now at CBS News?
Colbert: Well, John, there's got to be some accountability. Dan Rather is the head, the commander in chief if you will, of his organization. He's someone in a position of power who made a harmful decision based on questionable evidence. Then, to make things worse, he stubbornly refused to admit his mistake, choosing instead to stay the course and essentially occupy the story for too long. This man has got to go! (Ed. note: the audience was utterly collapsing by this point. You know, the stoned slackers. Yeah.)
Stewart: Um.. we're talking about Dan Rather?
Colnert: Yes, John, Dan Rather. CBS is in chaos, unsafe, riven by internal rivalries. If you ask me, respected, reputable outsiders need to be brought in to help the rebuilding effort.
Stewart: At.. CBS News.
Colbert: Yeah, at CBS News! What possible other unrelated situation could my words be equally applicable to? Now, people need to be held accountable. The Comamnder In Chief, the Vice President, the Secretary Of Defense, the National Security Advisor, everyone (pregnant pause) at CBS News needs to go! I can tell you, John, somewhere Walter Cronkite is rolling over in his grave.
Stewart: Walter Cronkite is still alive.
Colbert: Not according to my sources.. at CBS News.
Absolutely beautiful.
On Monday morning, John Kerry gave this speech at NYU. Go. Read.
Then there's this anonymous post on First Draft that gives a pep talk that's sorely needed.
"And Kerry gave David Letterman a HUGE ratings boost the other night. Remember: people are coming out for this man, by the tens of thousands. They are standing for hours to hear him speak about this country. They are standing in the rain and in the blazing hot sun without water and they are cheering in the dark.
And on Nov. 3 when everyone is asking how it happened, how the polls were so, so wrong, we'll pull out the photographs of the rallies that stretch for blocks, the crowds that went on forever, and we'll know.
Forty-one days, kids. Have faith that your beliefs are good and are shared by many people. Have faith that you are not alone in thinking we need leadership in this country, we need courage and gravitas and hope and grace. Have faith that the world you believe in, the world in which we take care of one another, is very, very real. Have faith. We're so close. We're almost there.
A."
Then there's this gleeful little development from the folks at ABC News: it seems Bush got caught, on film, bald faced lying.. and they actually called him on it!
(Transcript follows)
Peter Jennings: We were struck, today, by a very pointed attack by President Bush on John Kerry. First of all, this is what Mr. Bush said:
Bush: We agree that the world is better off with Saddam Hussein sitting in a prison cell, and that stands in stark contrast to the statement my opponent made yesterday when he said that, uh, that the world was better off with Saddam in power. I strongly disagree.
Jennings: And this is what Mr. Kerry actually said.
Kerry: Saddam Hussein was a brutal dictator, who deserves his own special place in hell. But that was not, in and of itself, a reason to go to war. The satisfaction that we take in his downfall does not hide this fact - we have traded a dictator for a chaos that has left America less secure.
Pump it up, folks, we're almost there.
Designed by georgedorn and provided by Positronic Design.
Grab your own copy here.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
Hurrah for teh Daily Show
Date: 2004-09-23 03:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-09-23 04:53 pm (UTC)Me, I'm a MSNBC "Countdown" fanatic
I think...
Date: 2004-09-23 07:05 pm (UTC)It strikes me as the same sort of potential curse-magnet as the breezy phrase "Nothing can possibly go wrong NOW" spoken by the Fourth Doctor.
Re: I think...
Date: 2004-09-23 08:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-09-24 06:19 am (UTC)Poetry. *heart*