My personal philosophy.. if I were a cow, anyway.

[docwebster]

Feel free to weigh in on this, folks.

The Philosophy Of Cows
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When in doubt, shit.

A foolish cow chews his cud while the farmer approaches. A wise cow kicks him in the nuts and runs like hell.

See the lovely hay. Doesn't it smell wonderful? WHOA, baby.. that's shome funny hay.. hee hee.. wheeee! Anybody got a Twinkie?

"Cow green was my valley? Naaaaah." - Hawkeye Pierce

"God is dead." - Nietzche
"Nietzche is dead." - God
"Moo." - Cow

Who the hell drinks 1/2 percent milk, anyway? Why not just drink water with library paste thrown in? You'll get the same effect.

Dogs come when you call them. Cats take a message and get back to you. Cows just sort of stand there, chew cud, shit all over the place and look at you like you're a fucking moron when you try to get them to eat a handful of weeds.

Appadappadingdangdong.

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I'll probably be adding to this deathless philosophical treatise over time, but feel free to add your own in reply to this entry.

Comments

[beanrua.livejournal.com]

Get a little amusement out of life. If a human thinks he can call you and get you to come, run at him full tilt, and then stop on a dime. If said human turns his back on you, knock him down by jumping on him.

Fences are just a good puzzle for cows. The goal is to escape. The biggest pay off is finding a window open in the human's house (preferably the bedroom). There's nothing like the reaction of a human when they come face to face with an unexpected cow in their home.

Don't ever tell me that cows don't think stuff is funny!