My personal philosophy.. if I were a cow, anyway.

[docwebster]

Feel free to weigh in on this, folks.

The Philosophy Of Cows
----------------------

When in doubt, shit.

A foolish cow chews his cud while the farmer approaches. A wise cow kicks him in the nuts and runs like hell.

See the lovely hay. Doesn't it smell wonderful? WHOA, baby.. that's shome funny hay.. hee hee.. wheeee! Anybody got a Twinkie?

"Cow green was my valley? Naaaaah." - Hawkeye Pierce

"God is dead." - Nietzche
"Nietzche is dead." - God
"Moo." - Cow

Who the hell drinks 1/2 percent milk, anyway? Why not just drink water with library paste thrown in? You'll get the same effect.

Dogs come when you call them. Cats take a message and get back to you. Cows just sort of stand there, chew cud, shit all over the place and look at you like you're a fucking moron when you try to get them to eat a handful of weeds.

Appadappadingdangdong.

---

I'll probably be adding to this deathless philosophical treatise over time, but feel free to add your own in reply to this entry.

Comments

[rubber-shirt.livejournal.com]

To err is human, to moo: bovine

[tsjafo.livejournal.com]

Deja Moo...the feeling you've seen this cow before.

[anima.livejournal.com]

Thats a "moo"t point, okay couldn't think of a good one. Thanks for making me laugh. moo

[kylakae.livejournal.com]

The cow is of the bovine ilk; one end is moo, the other milk. ~Ogden Nash

[yobadself.livejournal.com]

AWESOME!

Kung Fool Proverb

[worldmage.livejournal.com]

Father: Does the cow have the Buddha nature?
Son: Moo, daddy! Moo!

[griffen.livejournal.com]

Very mooo-ving.

*ducks*

moo

[ether2035.livejournal.com]

so u moo?

me and some mates rekon that 'moo' is like the word 'fuck', one of the most flexible and useful words.

Use it everyday, in anyway u can...

Moo!

[katharinakatt.livejournal.com]

Thank you...I so needed this. (HUG)

[beanrua.livejournal.com]

Get a little amusement out of life. If a human thinks he can call you and get you to come, run at him full tilt, and then stop on a dime. If said human turns his back on you, knock him down by jumping on him.

Fences are just a good puzzle for cows. The goal is to escape. The biggest pay off is finding a window open in the human's house (preferably the bedroom). There's nothing like the reaction of a human when they come face to face with an unexpected cow in their home.

Don't ever tell me that cows don't think stuff is funny!

[guruwench.livejournal.com]

I think it behooooooooves < g > us to help Doc add to his list of bovine wisdom. :)

(CowsAreOne)

< g, d, &r >

[kyra-ojosverdes.livejournal.com]

There are certain times when cows will, in fact, come when called. (Those times would be the morning and evening milkings, when the cows are MORE than eager to have their aching udders drained.) Philosophize as you will. :-)

[docwebster.livejournal.com]

Udderly ridiculous. *Bwahaha*

[hnybny.livejournal.com]

COWS

Thanklessly offering their lives to alien eviscerations for years.

[hnybny.livejournal.com]

Stormtrooper: Let me see your identification.

Moobi-Wan: [influencing the stormtrooper's mind] You don't need to see his identification.

Stormtrooper: We don't need to see his identification.

Moobi-Wan: These aren't the cows you're looking for.

Stormtrooper: These aren't the cows we're looking for.

Moobi-Wan: He can go about his business.

Stormtrooper: You can go about your business.

Moobi-Wan: Moooooooooove along.

Stormtrooper: Moooooooooove along... moooooooooove along.

[foxsynergy.livejournal.com]

Are you sure that Martians don't just really like steak?

[foxsynergy.livejournal.com]

I've got no beef with cows, and that's no bull. We can milk the bovine puns for all they're worth, but let's steer clear of that for now.

Say, would you mind if we link to this from qbutterfly?

[docwebster.livejournal.com]

You go, boy.

[foxsynergy.livejournal.com]

And this is what GMail had to say about it all.

Beefmaster Cattle
Top genetics, bulls, semen, show heifers, embryo's, replacement cows



Just what we all need. Semen and replacement cows. Exactly what denotes a replacement cow anyway? Does it make replacement milk? Wait -- that would be soy.

[asilana.livejournal.com]

Oh... I just hurt myself! Very funny! =D

[docwebster.livejournal.com]

Glad to be of service!